
In its opening moments, “River of Blood” transports us to the jungles of Southeast Asia where a team of Australian loggers are savagely murdered by a mysterious tribe. That sets the table for this handsomely shot but frustratingly shallow horror thriller from director Howard J. Ford. It has all the ingredients for a good old-fashioned exploitation romp. But even with a few helpings of gory goodness, you can’t help but sense the movie playing it safe.
Written for the screen by Tom Boyle, “River of Blood” is built upon a simple yet promising premise. Filmed on location in Thailand, the jungle setting is as beautiful as it is threatening, with its dense green foliage, high canopy with rays of sun beaming through the cracks, and the narrow winding river cutting through it. And as the beauty gives way to the danger, Ford delivers some pretty gnarly violence which is perfectly fitting for the story he’s trying to tell.

But the problems almost immediately seep in through the thinly sketched characters and their paper-thin relationships. The movie outlines some history between them and attempts to build tension through the drama unfolding between them. But the jealousy, bitterness, and betrayal is all so superficial and borderline soapy. Meanwhile meatier themes regarding deforestation and native culture remain on the surface. Compound it all by their countless dumb decisions which may get the story to where they want it, but makes them look incredibly inept in the process.
Four good-looking and undeniably privileged friends are vacationing together in Southeast Asia. They are Ajay (Louis James) and his wife Maya (Ella Starbuck) and Ritchie (David Wayman) and his wife Jasmine (Sarah Alexandra Marks). Ajay and Ritchie have been best friends since college, but it’s clear the insecure Ajay is jealous of Ritchie’s financial success. Even clearer is the obvious affair between Ajay and Jasmine.
The four ‘friends’ decide to take a kayak river tour into the jungle led by their guide, Nick (Joseph Millson) who on a whim changes their day trip into an overnight adventure. Aside from Ajay’s eye-rolling machismo and natural douchery, things start off great as the group floats down the scenic river admiring the jungle’s unspoiled beauty. But that all changes after they set up camp for the night.
The poorly concealed inter-couple drama eventually comes to a head, driving one member of the group to stupidly take off on their own. The others start searching for their missing member but end up crossing into land inhabited by a territorial tribe of violent cannibals. Suddenly the pampered vacationers find themselves being stalked by the tribe’s chief (Nelson Mahodi) who is hunting for his people’s next meal.

From there the story leans heavily into its predator/prey dynamic. To the film’s credit, it leads to several harrowing sequences although getting to them requires enduring some numbingly dopey character moments. The cast gives it their all, and their physical commitment is especially appreciable. They certainly seem up to handling deeper and more challenging material but never get it.
Even with its blemishes, “River of Blood” manages to pull off what some would argue is its most important task – to entertain. At a brisk 87 minutes, the movie never leaves us much time to dwell on its shortcomings. And for die-hard horror fans it’ll be even easier to look past the flaws. That’s because Ford hits his genre beats and doesn’t skimp on the blood. Still, I can’t help but wish the movie had pushed things further. A little more risk could have made a world of difference.
VERDICT – 2.5 STARS

So… no hooters in this? Dammit.
It’s not bad and worth checking out. But not as good as it could have been.
Anyone who goes river touring in Thailand in a pink mini halter neck dress deserves everything they get! 🤣
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!
Now that’s funny!!!
Hollywood needs more help
You’re not wrong.
Thanks Keith ❤️💛💙💜