The latest popular movie from the past to get a modern-day makeover is “Mean Girls”. The 2004 teen comedy was a big hit with audiences and critics, eventually spawning a made-for-television sequel and even a Broadway musical. Now co-directors Samantha Jayne and Arturo Perez Jr. have brought us a 2024 big screen update that’s based on the stage adaptation of the original 2004 hit movie. And all of it is based on Rosalind Wiseman’s 2002 book “Queen Bees and Wannabes”. Confusing?

“Mean Girls” 2024 sets out to mix its teen comedy roots with snazzy musical numbers but the results aren’t great. The screenplay by Tina Fey taps into a few things that long-time fans might appreciate. But overall it’s a wildly uneven film, hampered by flaccid attempts at humor and songs with no resonance whatsoever. Even worse are the characters – a woeful collection of shallow teens who leave you worried for the future of whatever world they live in.

The film stars Angourie Rice, a good young actress who deserves better than what she gets here. She plays Cady Heron, a smart and formerly homeschooled teenager attending her first day at North Shore High School. The filmmakers go out of their way to make Cady as uncomfortable as possible, immediately overwhelming her through the cult-like stares from the students and the exaggerated cliques that no normal person would fit in with. But two best friends and (kinda) loners, Janis (Chloe Auliʻi Cravalho) and Damian (Jaquel Spivey) take Cady under their wings and show her the ropes.

But Cady’s high school experience takes a dramatic turn after she’s noticed by three rich, snooty, and ultra popular girls dubbed The Plastics. They’re led by the “Queen Bee” of the group and the school, Regina George (Reneé Rapp). Following her around like puppies is the idolizer Gretchen (Bebe Wood) and the ditzy Karen (Avantika). Cady’s “friendship” with Regina leads to a boost in her own popularity and status. But when Regina finds out Cady is crushing on her ex-boyfriend Aaron (Christopher Briney), things get a little nasty.

From there the bulk of the movie follows the friends-turned-enemies as they both dole out various forms of payback. And that’s really the movie in a nutshell. It seems to relish the meanness, to the point of nearly forgetting the more thoughtful themes that deal with bullying, peer pressure, etc. It’s only in the last ten minutes or so that we get an overtly tidy finish reminding everyone to be nice to each other. Hardly what you would call a convincing conviction.

Jayne and Perez Jr. try and capture the spirit of “Mean Girls” but all they can manage is a grating, uninspired pastiche. The music numbers only complicate matters, ranging from mediocre to dreadful. Altogether the movie plays like a current-day ABC Afterschool Special, littered with groan-inducing TikTok reels and second-rate MTV music videos. There are some terrific voices (Rapp can flat-out belt). But the songs tend to be forgettable at best and annoyingly distracting at worst.

“Mean Girls” ends up being a toothless retread that feels custom-made for the January dumping ground. The teen comedy side of it offers little in terms of laughs and gives us nothing to chew on. And rather than energizing this unfortunate reincarnation, the consistently underwhelming song choices and musical numbers weigh the film down. Fey, Tim Meadows, Jon Hamm, and Ashley Park offer some star wattage in their utterly thankless roles. But they can’t save this mess of an adaptation that fumbles pretty much everything it’s trying to remake and recapture. “Mean Girls” is in theaters now.

VERDICT – 1.5 STARS